Momentarily
by xAppleDownx
Summary: All she ever wanted was a simple life but it was never really in the cards. Claire managed to step on the brakes in time and survived. This examines what might have transpired at Drovers Run if Claire McLeod had remained alive. Told in glimpses 'Momentarily' is the story of life, love and loss from series 3 onwards. C/A, T/N, features all cast series 3-8.
1. I: Cease to Begin

**MOMENTARILY**

**A/N**

**I really thought I had managed to leave McLeod's Daughters behind but this story has been sitting in my mind for years now, begging to be written. So one day I sat down and this is the result. To me Claire McLeod was the first fictional character I truly admired. I was twelve when I first encountered her and incredibly impressionable. She was the one constant in the series, this brilliant and headstrong character so I was absolutely devastated when Lisa Chappell left the show. This is my attempt to right that. **

**In this story Claire survived the accident as she managed to step on the brakes before the car could plummet into the ravine. Instead the sisters return to Drovers Run, thoroughly shocked but life still goes on. This story examines in glimpses what I imagine might have happened if Claire hadn't died. **

**This chapter takes place in 'My Noon, My Midnight'. **

**I apologise for any typos. **

**Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Channel Nine and Posie Graeme-Evans. **

**Pairings: Claire/Alex, Nick/Tess**

******oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

**I: CEASE TO BEGIN **

_And I was so lonely_  
_I didn't see  
It's like living in a movie  
Twisting the plot  
the little things I've got  
I've got._

_And my thoughts drift to you_

- Band of Horses

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

That little block of land, a speck on a map had been the centre of her entire life for as long as she could remember. People had come and gone, some more enduring than others, but in the end that place was the one constant factor of her existence. Days came and went, years, decades

She instinctively pulled over at the side of the dusty road, a road she had travelled so many times but nothing could ever compare to the feeling of returning home. Without hesitation she got out of the ute and breathed in the air of home. The smell of dust and dry vegetation lingered in the air and it comforted her immediately.

From this exact spot she could make out every detail of her beloved property. Just there, behind a few trees, it sat, nestled in a small valley. The homestead wasn't large by any means but it meant absolutely everything to her. For generations it had housed her ancestors and formed her heritage. And it would be the home of many generations to come.

It was from this exact spot that Jack McLeod had taught her to love this piece of land. This is your home, he'd told her when she was just a little girl, and it's your job to protect it and its people.

Its people were many now and she loved them all greatly.

'Claire?' her sister spoke from behind and Claire turned. Tess, too, had gotten out of the ute but never dared leave its side. Although she looked relatively composed and unharmed, just a small wound across her eyebrow, the shock was evident in her eyes and her restlessness.

Their lives had been endangered. If she hadn't stepped on the brakes in time she might not have lived to see Drovers again. To raise Charlotte.

Alex.

With a final glance at their home she spun around and trudged back to the old, battered vehicle. In many ways it was representative of all things that surrounded life on Drovers Run and ultimately herself. Over the years the place had seen some rough times but astoundingly they managed.

They would manage this time as well.

However the look on Tess' face wasn't entirely assuring. The guilt she had tried to push aside resurfaced when she noticed how her sister struggled to regain her composure. She was so unlike the bubbly self she had been just a while before, the joy of someone who'd been told death was not reaching out to her.

Then the brumby had crossed the road.

A dark shadow passed over Claire's face, guilt weighing down on her already grave face. Tess sensed this immediately.

People of the bush may not speak openly of their feelings but her years amongst them - she now considered herself to be one of them – had taught her one or two things. Emotions could be read in someone's face. Especially when it came to her sister.

'You alright?' Tess asked, pushing her own worries aside for the moment.

'I'm fine. Just glad to be home', Claire replied as a small smile formed on her lips. Gently she looked at the sleeping form of her beautiful daughter. The traumatising event had barely roused her from her slumber and although she had fuzzed a bit after the accident, Charlotte had fallen asleep again.

'Me, too,' Tess added thoughtfully as she admired the view of Drovers. She, too, belonged here now.

'Tess, we can't tell anyone.'

'Claire-'

'No.' Her words were final, decisive. 'I don't want Alex to worry unnecessarily. We're fine, BOM's fine.' Tess sighed heavily but knew the argument was over.

Claire heaved a sigh and then said: 'We're still here.'

And they were.

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

He was waiting for them. Maybe he'd seen the car or perhaps it was a gut feeling.

Although that sounded more like Tess' way of thinking Claire would prefer the latter.

The ute had barely come to a halt when he opened the door swiftly and eagerly pulled her into his arms. Gladly she responded to his kiss, unable to conceal her happiness at finally being with him again.

'Took you long enough,' he grinned down at her, impatience evident in his eyes.

Because of her they could have been a lot longer. If she hadn't hit the brakes in time.

'Bit of engine trouble, nothing serious. Oh, and Tess wanted to get her nails done'. Claire cast a quick glance at her sister. Tess looked weighed down by the secret they now shared.

Quickly she broke free of Alex' embrace, surprising him slightly.

'Get BOM will ya?' She asked, patted him lightly on the chest and then made her way to Tess' side instead. He instantly noticed a slightl limp to her gait although she was trying to conceal it.

Alex shook his head and then looked at the baby girl, who was still in the Ute. Charlotte was fully awake now but just lay there staring with her head tilted lightly to one side. Who could resist such a face?

He reached in and unbuckled her before gently taking the infant in his arms. She looked so tiny there and so fragile. But he would do absolutely anything for this little bundle of joy.

'Your mum's mad, Charlotte, mad,' he commented as he watched the two sisters walk away, arm in arm and completely oblivious to their surroundings. He knew how co-dependent they were, though Claire would deny it, but throughout Tess' cancer scare they had become so much closer.

'And you're just as barking,' his brother's voice came from behind. Alex looked up to see Nick approaching with a smirk on his face.

'Get away will ya!' He then looked back at Charlotte. 'Don't listen to your Uncle Nick, eh BOM.'

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

A while later the small crowd was scattered about the tennis court, champagne flutes in hand and chatting away animatedly. The two McLeod sisters stood together a bit away from the others whispering in hushed voices. Enviously Alex looked on from a corner where he was standing on his own, the ever comforting beer in hand.

He had passed Charlotte over to Meg who was now busying herself with the infant. As much as he loved the little girl he mainly felt like sulking. It was fantastic, of course, that Tess' cancer scare had turned out to be nothing and as much as he wanted to celebrate that, he also wanted to celebrate the fact that he'd found the woman to settle down with.

And at the moment she was withdrawing from him. Hopefully she wasn't having second thoughts - she was well acquainted with his history with women after all.

'You still haven't figured out how to pop the question, have you?' Nick asked as he walked up to his big brother. He held onto two beers but immediately passed one to Alex who had just finished the other.

'Haven't had the chance. She hasn't left Tess' side since they came back.'

'Do you think something happened?'

'She only mentioned engine problems. And something about a pedicure.' He brought the beer to his lips and took one large gulp. The slightly carbonated taste filled his mouth then evaporated and was followed by a slight bitterness. A flavour he savoured.

'Sounds like Tess,' Nick commented before following his brother's example. He took a swig of the drink. 'But we've all seen Tess' forehead'.

'And Claire's limping'.

They clinked their bottles and then drank together in silence. Sometimes silence was the best conversations between the two Ryan brothers. Despite their occasional disputes they understood each other.

A loud ringing suddenly filled the air and everyone turned their attention to the source. Tess stood, slightly flushed, with a knife and a glass in her hands.

'Hey everyone! I just wanted to say a few words. Thank you.' She began as a small smile emerged. 'I know I've been a bit of a burden lately so thank you for stepping up and being there. I really appreciate it.'

'What? No thanks for doing your chores?' Jodi added with a shrug of her shoulders only to earn a reprimanding 'Jodi!' from Meg and a laugh from the rest of the crowd.

Out of the corner of his eye Alex noticed Nick nodding approvingly at Tess. Something unsaid passed between them, so briefly it was barely noticeable.

It was then he finally spotted Claire moving away from Tess after giving her a hug. But instead of approaching him she walked straight over to Meg and reached for her daughter.

Brilliant. He was jealous of a baby.

With Charlotte securely in her arms Claire departed the scene of the party and set her course for the ancient homestead.

Which was his home, too now. Alex placed the beer on a nearby table and made to follow Claire. He figured they ought to talk – she owed him some sort of explanation to her behaviour.

When he finally made it inside Claire was already upstairs. For a moment he lingered on the foot of the staircase, unsure of what his next move should be. Confront her directly? Their history was clear evidence that Claire McLeod did not operate that way. Neither did he for that matter.

Neither did they talk about feelings, really.

He sighed deeply, preparing himself for the worst and then climbed the stairs two at a time. Once on the landing he could hear Claire's sweet cooing voice, a voice she only used when around Charlotte.

Or a horse.

And there he went again – jealous of her daughter and her horses.

Silently he entered the nursery where Claire was readying her daughter for bed.

'Who's a good girl, eh? You are, yes you are' she cooed before placing a gentle kiss of the baby's forehead.

'Claire?'

She looked up, surprised, but smiled warmly at him nonetheless. It settled his nerves ever so slightly.

'She's perfect, isn't she?'

'Yeah.' He could do nothing but agree with her. After all Charlotte was her mother's daughter and had had him wrapped around her little finger from the moment she was born.

'Listen Claire. I…'

'I think I'm gonna hit the hay. See you in the morning' she murmured.

'Morning… What?' It took Alex a while to realise what she'd just said. 'Claire, I live here too, remember?'

She frowned slightly as if the information was new to her. Then clarity reached her eyes and she giggled briefly. It was a sweet sound.

'Sorry. It's been a long day. Come 'ere you'. She reached up and stroked his cheek, then let her hand wander to his neck before pulling him down for a soft kiss.

'Coming to bed then?'

Alex nodded. 'I'll just go tell the others.

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

Tonight just wasn't his night. Nick watched his brother slowly make his way back to the small party, head downcast. Partly he expected Alex to say he was moving back to Wilgul but in his heart he just could not believe Claire would say no to Alex.

As Tess had said – the two were made for each other.

'' You alright mate?'

'Yeah yeah. Claire's beat so we'll call it a night.'

'But what about-?'

'What about what?'

With an imploring look Nick begged Alex to understand, expected him to. And then - His eyes visibly widened as comprehension settled in.

'Bugger!' and then he shot off.

Evidently his initial plan to pop the question had been forgotten, perhaps out of worry.

Nick shook his head and laughed to himself. Alex was and always would be Alex. Earlier in the evening they'd discussed various ways for Alex to do it but neither Nick nor Alex had envisioned this scenario. To surprise her – that was the plan – it appeared he had surprised himself.

He heard her footsteps before her voice so he knew whom to expect.

'What was that all about?' her voice was laden with curiosity. But then again who could blame her?

Nick turned to her and smiled. Truly, she looked very lovely, her face radiant as she gazed up at him inquisitively. It almost made him spill the beans yet loyalty prevented him from doing to.

'You'll know in the morning,' he replied. The answer may have sounded slightly more dismissive than intended. 'It's getting late anyway, I should probably head back.'

'I'll walk you to the car'.

They walked side by side for a while in silence. It was a pleasurable silence, though. The crunching gravel underneath their feet quenched the silence. Automatically he adjusted his long strides to match her much shorter steps, something that came to him like second nature.

All too soon his beloved red Ute came into view and both knew they night had to come to an end.

If they let it, that is.

Simultaneously they spoke up; he said her name, she said his and then that awkward silence naturally followed.

He wanted to say something, he really did, because when it came to the two of them there were so many things left unsaid. Yet he could not find the words.

'Thank you, Nick. For everything.' Her hesitant and apprehensive voice broke the silence and he could breathe a sigh of relief. Those few words conveyed much more and they were both aware of it.

'Anytime.' And he meant it; for her, anything. The sincerity to his words was evident and she sensed it immediately.

'See that's just it, isn't it? You're too kind for your own good, always forgiving.'

'Tess!'

'Even when I'm interfering cow, you forgive me.'

'I shouldn't have called you that.' He still regretted that moment; after all she had just been looking out for him. Although, occasionally, she did have a tendency to speak her mind a little too openly.

'But you were right, though. I shouldn't have interfered and I'm sorry.'

'It's okay.'

'No, Nick, it's not. I didn't see what was right in front of me. I was an idiot. I'm sorry.'

With that she turned to leave, believing all had been said. Without any second thoughts he grabbed her hand thus forcing her to stay.

'Good thing I'm an idiot too then.'

'What?'

He knew her history, knew her trepidation towards intimacy but after everything they'd been through and everything she'd experienced lately, Nick could only imagine one conceivable solution.

And so he kissed her. It was merely a light touch of his lips on hers, feather light but it conveyed what words could not. Just as he was about to pull away a tentative hand came up to rest at the nape of his neck, pulling him back in place.

There were no fireworks; no loud fanfare of trumpets and violins instead there was only Tess and Nick and finally things made sense.

The kiss was brief but searing, fleeting but sealing of their future. They made sense.

Nick watched her nervously but the smile she granted him assured his tumultuous mind.

'You could stay, you know. No funny business, but I could do with the company.'

He grabbed her hand and led the way inside the homestead.

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

The bedroom door stood as if it was standing guard; firmly shut which gave the impression of an impenetrable fortress. Ordinarily a door would pose as no hindrance but right now it frightened him slightly. Perhaps she was already asleep?

Reason told him she couldn't possibly be seeing as it had only been mere minutes since they last spoke.

After another brief moment of steadying his nerves, Alex gently pushed open the door to what was now their bedroom. Claire was sitting in the armchair in the corner, a notebook in hand. Always working, she was.

He breathed in deeply before stepping across the threshold with one final fervent plea that things would go over well. He knew she had never been keen on marriage, on becoming dependant on anyone but his firm belief in them pushed him onwards.

'Claire, we need to talk. There's something I've been meaning to ask you.' Alex spoke frankly. Nervousness peaked; his stomach did a flip as she looked up at him with curiosity.

'Mm?' A sweet smile settled on her lips which encouraged him slightly. With a sideway glance he noticed the ring still sitting on the pillow, nestled in the velvet casing. Perhaps, he wondered, she hadn't actually noticed it yet.

His final resolve set, Alex stepped properly into the room and approached Claire. Ordinary was certainly not the way to describe their relationship, even before it evolved and became something more.

So perhaps the great romantic gesture was unfit.

Coming to a halt in front of her he knelt down and looked directly into her eyes.

'You know I love you, right?' He spoke genuinely. For the briefest moment her face contorted in surprise at his earnest declaration. Shortly thereafter, though, the smile returned to her face and a sparkle ignited in her eyes.

'More than the chopper?'

'What?' Sentiment may not have been Claire's strong suit but her response threw him off track.

'Never mind,' she laughed gently. It took Alex a while to recompose himself but steadily he managed to throw caution to the wind and reclaim the reins.

'Because I do and I love Charlotte, even if her father's a knob. I'd do anything for her – and you. And Tess, Jodi, Meg, Jack and Alex Jr.'

'Jack and Alex Jr.?' She smiled, still not able to comprehend where his ramble was going.

'Mm. Twin boys and then another girl.'

'Alex…'

'Claire, I've always admired you for your courage and passion and…' once more he felt himself lose track of what he way attempting to convey.

'Shut up Alex' Mouth agape, he looked at her. The mischievous sparkle in her eye that had been there mere moments before had been replaced with an intense gaze that held his firmly. All coherent thoughts ceased to exist; he could only focus on the woman in front of him.

'Will you marry me?' Claire asked in a voice that bore absolutely no trace of hesitation.

'What?' It was the only word that his mind was able to conjure up in this strange situation.

'Will you marry me?' She repeated firmly and with conviction.

Gradually comprehension filtered through his clouded mind and realisation steadily dawned on him. Once more Claire McLeod had proved to be the quick witted of the two and beat him to it.

Still unable to phrase anything properly Alex resolved to pointing to the bed. Finally Claire removed her attention from the man kneeling in front of her and cast a quick glance in the direction he pointed.

'I was gonna…' Alex finally spoke, incoherently though. Flustered and slightly dumbfounded he brought a hand to his face and rubbed it as if he was trying to rub off the confusion.

Slowly Claire stood from the chair before approaching the bed. Gingerly she picked up the velvet box and stared absorbedly at the object in her hand as if she it was going to speak itself. Then she did the most unexpectedly thing, yet so very her. Claire laughed.

Alex regarded her every movement and was slightly astounded when she easily slipped the diamond ring onto her finger, on her right hand. That struck a cord inside Alex and a sudden memory resurfaced – the engagement ring was meant to sit on a woman's left hand – or so the saleswoman had dutifully reminded him on numerous occasions.

'Guess you're stuck with me,' Claire said and then stuck out her hand for him to shake, very much in the same manner as they had shaken hands to finalise their status as proper business partners.

This, however, was so very different and much more important.

Alex suddenly became aware of the awkward situation he had somehow managed to get himself in. Certainly this was not the scenario he had originally imagined but then again there had been a time where it was entirely unfathomable that he and Claire should ever evolve beyond friendship.

Gently he imprisoned her right hand in his much larger and stilled it. Then he touched the ring that she had placed there. Suddenly he pulled it off and reached for her left hand before slipping the ring he had carefully picked out for her on the right finger. Everything that had happened in the past five minutes was beyond anything he could possibly have imagined but this one thing he wanted to do traditionally.

'I can live with that Mrs Ryan,' he said, a smile gracing his face.

One thing they got right though and Alex was pretty sure it was quite common, following a proposal. His arms slipped around her waist and he held her close for a while before leaning down and kissing her.

Claire responded to his invitation ardently so a gentle kiss quickly turned fervent. However she broke away too quickly for his liking.

'_McLeod_ Ryan,' she emphasised her family name. 'And there's no way we're naming our son Alex Jr.' A laugh barely escaped his lips before they were claimed by one Claire McLeod.

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

That night was one of little sleep and countless adventures. Although sleep deprived it was a greatly satiated Alex that awoke the following morning. Judging by the amount of light that fell through the window it was late morning.

Next to him Claire was still fast asleep but for once not on his arm. He wanted to stay in bed, maybe sleep a bit more and then kiss her awake but his rumbling stomach had the upper hand in his internal argument.

After placing a gentle kiss on her forehead he slipped from under the covers and left the room as quietly as possible. The treacherous creaky floorboard creaked loudly as he stepped on it but fortunately Claire remained in a slumber.

His original supposition that it was late morning proved to be right; the entire house lay quiet with all residents out and about in the paddocks.

Or so he thought.

Upon entering the kitchen Alex was surprised to see his little brother comfortably seated by the table, coffee cup in hand. The quirky smile on his lips told Alex what he needed to know.

'You're here early,' he commented wryly. Nick merely smirked in reply and then sipped his coffee once more.

Ignorant bugger, Alex decided and then turned to his original destination – the fridge. With his head nearly buried inside he started roaming around for the most appetising edibles only to come to one conclusion – the Drovers kitchen would have to undergo some proper restocking.

'Emptying the fridge already, Alex?' a female voice chimed in. Tess had walked in, completely unnoticed.

'No no, I was just…'

'Coffee?' Tess asked nonchalantly before she went to pour herself a cup.

'Please.' The scene that played out before him was not one he had expected. After handing Alex his cup where he was still standing by the fridge Tess, dressed in a morning robe and her hair in a disarray, went back to the table. Before taking a seat her hand came to rest on Nick's shoulder briefly.

He felt like an intruder, like someone who had accidentally walked in on a very intimate moment. However the feel of soft lips on his cheek soon broke his reverie. Claire expertly reached around him in a fluid motion and grabbed something from the fridge, which still remained open. Seemingly she had managed to sneak up on him.

'Claire, a word please?'. Tess voice called out to her sister. From the stern look on her face it was easy to discern that her keen eye had immediately spotted the diamond that now adorned the older McLeod's finger.

'Tess, Nick.' Alex noticed her slightly pleading look but Tess remained unyielding, instead she simply grabbed Claire's wrist and pulled her out of the kitchen.

Slightly amused at what he had just witnessed, Alex took a seat next to his brother.

'You and Tess, eh?'

'Yeah'

'About bloody time, mate.'

Simultaneously they raised their coffee cups and clinked them together.

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

**A/N**

**Thanks for reading! I've written the rest of the story and will upload soon. **

**Please review. **


	2. II: Ignite Your Bones

**A/N**

**I'm sorry, so sorry for not updating any sooner. It's silly really, considering the fact that this chapter has been sitting on my computer the entire time. I apologise again. **

**Apart from that I want to express my gratitude for those who read and reviewed the last chapter – virtual drinks all around!**

**Each chapter shows a situation or a brief period of time, so lots of time passes between each chapter. The main storyline is alike the one on the show, just with Claire still in it. **

**For this chapter some time has passed – most of series/season four, actually. That also means that most of the events occurred. Although Nick and Tess initially got together in the last chapter Dave did return which caused them to split up for a while. Nick went to the city, too, but as you will see in this chapter they reunited (as in the show) and are now getting married. **

**Alex and Claire eventually got married, raising Charlotte happily. **

**I apologize for any typos.**

**Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Channel Nine and Posie Graeme-Evans.**

**Pairings: Claire/Alex, Nick/Tess**

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

**MOMENTARILY**

**II: IGNITE YOUR BONES**

_We go dancing_

_Through the ashes_

_And the panic of the masses_

_While we're waiting for the world to stop spinning_

_Stop spinning_

_The olden days are black and white on my TV_

_And nowadays the future looks the same to me_

_Unless you and I _

_Remind each other_

_To welcome back colour _

- Tina Dickow

Weddings were a rare occurrence for a reason. They were a nuisance really and cost far too much money. On top of that they had the entire community in a commotion.

Everything was covered in tulle, taffeta and flowers that no one could possibly pronounce the name of. Not even the saleswoman.

People constantly came and went in a never-ending stream and interrupted any attempt at getting the daily chores done. If that wasn't the case there was the fact that you were always expected to drop everything in order to help out with wedding related business.

However there were a few perks, too. As a bloke your opinion would eternally be overruled by that of the bride and so, after a while, you learned to pretend to agree with whatever she said.

And then there was the fact that weddings usually meant great happiness in one form or another.

Yet he was glad it wasn't him today.

At his side, clad in the traditional wedding uniform, stood the quivering form of his brother. To top off an already tumultuous day the bridal party was significantly delayed. He could only guess at the thoughts currently coursing through his brother's mind.

'Start of the Ryan Empire, mate. How does it feel?'

'I'll be happier once the Empress arrives'

'She's coming.'

Nick and Tess' journey had not been without a lot of bumps and unwanted turns so the mere fact that this day had finally arrived was a testament to their love, he supposed.

Just then the music changed, signalling that something was about to happen.

'Here we go,' Alex whispered to his brother as a deep sigh of relief escaped him. 'So she didn't do a runner after all,' he whispered as a final brotherly joke.

Nick didn't react.

Alex looked around, attempting to take in all the changes that had been made to his childhood home. Killarney looked good considering the fact that the decorations had been put up only hours before. Something about fire ants and palm trees from what Alex understood.

A loud 'aw' marked the entrance of the first persona on the aisle. A little girl on wobbly feet staggered onto the red carpet whilst clutching Stevie's hand firmly. Alex smiled warmly at the sight of the little girl he considered to be his daughter. DNA or not, he was there for all the times that mattered.

Jodi and Kate followed next, looking uncannily similar in their identical dresses. The only difference was their height. Stretch and Squirt indeed.

Then she came, smiling, glowing and looking incredibly sexy. Her eyes immediately sought his and the smile she granted him struck a chord deep within.

Yes, happiness definitely came in the wake of weddings. Even when the wedding wasn't your own.

Their wedding had been quite a different affair, a much quieter and intimate one. In his opinion it had been more personal – at least compared to the extravaganza Tess had planned for her own wedding.

With Jack long gone Tess had asked her sister to give her away, traditions be damned. Claire had proudly accepted. But there was a dark side, too. After much persuasion Tess had managed to convince her sister that a dress AND heels actually became her.

Alex had to agree with Tess there. She looked stunning. The dress and complimentary heels elongated Claire's already long figure and yet she still looked like herself. Exceptionally beautiful.

To Claire and Alex the wedding ceremony was never meant to be a grand event. They just wanted to settle down and be together. Although he himself and everyone in the district had deemed Alex to be an eternal bachelor the thought of his bachelor days coming to an end hadn't unnerved him. Instead impatience had been his constant companion on the days leading up his and Claire's nuptials.

Now that he witnessed his wife walking down the aisle once more Alex couldn't help but notice how radiant she looked.

After a ridiculously long time (Why the bloody hell did the aisle have to be so long?) the two McLeod sisters finally made it to the altar.

'Please be seated. Welcome to the marriage of Nick and Tess. Who gives this woman to this man?' Beth asked.

'I do,' Claire replied formally but in all earnest. Gently she released her sister and let Tess take the hand of her almost-husband.

'Bit much, don't you think?' He couldn't help but ask the question. After all he knew Claire and her thoughts on weddings and fancy dresses.

'It's romantic'. Her reply startled him and during the rest of the ceremony all he could focus on was noticing her reaction to the scene playing out in front of them. And loads of other people.

A smile remained plastered on her face throughout the entire thing, a real, proper and genuine smile.

Nice words were spoken, surely. He just didn't pay attention. When everyone stood and applauded, as did he, and when Claire grabbed his arm and pulled him down the aisle he simply followed.

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

The festivities seemed to drag on forever. After a long while of trying to engage and partake with the other guests, Alex had simply given up. They seemed to be doing fine without him and he had plenty of things to occupy his mind with.

All the time he had known her, Claire had never been one for epic and adventurous romances instead practicality had always been essential. He wondered now if she wanted more.

In order to avoid the constant and animated chatter weddings ensured Alex had willingly removed himself from the main happenings. Instead he had settled for a seat, overlooking the celebrations.

Tess was swaying lightly with Charlotte securely placed on her hips. The sight made Alex smile. That was one lucky little girl – loved by everyone and absolutely spoiled rotten.

He had probably gone above and beyond himself for her first birthday. The little pony back at Drovers was a testament of that. Initially Claire had chided him for it, accusing him of wanting to come out on top in the race of being the best father to the little girl.

Ridiculous and completely overzealous.

Peter was a knob but the still the child's father. Biologically anyway.

'Blimey my feet are killing me!' Someone exclaimed next to him, abruptly cutting off his thoughts.

Claire sat down heavily in the chair next to his. Instantly after sitting down she pulled off the apparently offending heels and proceeded to placing her exhausted feet in his lap.

'I'm never wearing heels again.'

To console her Alex resorted to handing her the half finished beer he had been clutching. It may not be cold, as he knew she preferred, but beer was a marvellous cure to almost anything. Sore feet, too, he imagined.

Although she accepted the beer she never brought it to her lips. He noticed this simply because it was so unlike her. Claire McLeod never said no to beer.

For a while they sat in silence and regarded the world turning around them. Two silent watchers, content to observe. People continued dancing mindlessly, friends and family locked together in joyous unions.

Nick seemed to have finally escaped the mandatory dance with his recent step mum (Alex' too, though there was no way he would ever call Sandra 'mum'.), a rather comical exchange to watch, and had sought out his wife. Now the newlyweds swayed from side to side in their own little blissful bubble.

Alex rubbed Claire's feet unconsciously. The wedding guests had eventually lost his interest and instead he had taken to regarding his wife. She still held the beer loosely in one hand as she continued to watch the celebrations.

'Hey Claire – you don't think I'm romantic enough?' His question broke the silence. Turning to him she frowned slightly as if trying to take in what he had just asked her.

'I never said that,' she finally replied, her head tilted lightly to one side. After so many years he had come to know her well. He knew she loved her horses more than anything, loved cold beer, that she considered dresses and other feminine clothing articles to be an unnecessary nuisance, and that although things often went unsaid, Claire expected you to know anyway.

And tonight she was wearing a dress.

And not drinking beer.

So Alex was worried.

'I know. But it got me thinking.'

'Well, stop it. Nothing good ever comes from that,' she smirked at him in a desperate attempt to settle his building nerves.

'Oi!' Evidently it worked, if only a little bit.

Alex wanted to say more but he felt uncertain of how to steer the conversation in a desired direction. Whenever he tried to speak his mind and spill his guts things always went pear-shaped. Confessing his love for Claire McLeod was an intimidating scenario. As teenagers he had admired her from afar and never truly spoken to her about anything boy/girl related. She intimidated him although the teenaged (and later adult) Alex had refused to admit that.

Treating her as one of the boys had made things considerably easier and eventually he moved on with other girls.

Later in his adult life though the words did not come to him any easier. The few times he had attempted telling her how he felt she had outsmarted him and simplified everything. Not that he minded – but maybe she did.

'Alex, listen. I love you and the life we've built together.' Claire's tone was serious but also loving. As she spoke she leaned forward in her chair and gently brought a hand to his face. She stroked his cheek.

'I know.'

'And I wouldn't change it for anything. Nick and Tess are just more – sentimental I guess.' Simultaneously they both glanced back at their younger siblings who were still enraptured with each other. 'And who needs that right?' She finished though her voice faltered ever so slightly. He noticed though.

'Yeah.'

A loud 'clank!' signalled that the still half full beer bottle had found its place back on the table. Impatiently Alex reached out for it and closed his fingers around the slim body before bringing it to his lips. He drank vigorously so that it was soon empty.

Resolutely he almost slammed the bottle back on the table, which apparently startled Claire. At least she appeared to jump slightly in her seat. Impatiently Alex pushed her feet quite harshly from his lap and jumped to his feet before coming to stand in front of her.

He was a man on a mission.

'Come on McLeod, up you get! I'll show you romance.' Grasping her hand he pulled her up rather abruptly so that, losing her balance, she nearly stumbled into his chest.

'Careful, I haven't got any shoes on!'

For a brief moment they both had to stop –to catch their breath and recall a moment so very like the one they were now in.

Instantaneously they burst into laughter as memories of dancing, bathrobes and hotel rooms filled both of their minds. Claire leaned into him, head against his chest, as the last waves of laughter rolled through her. His chest moved rhythmically against her chin as he, too, struggled to regain his composure.

'If you say anything about my eyes I'll kill you.' Finally able to speak Claire peered up at him. Her eyes shone mischievously which made Alex' heart beat faster in his chest.

Those eyes. Oh he certainly had a lot to say about them. Instead of answering her immediately he instead took hold of her hand. Instinctively they started moving to the distant music, never breaking each other's gaze.

'Right-o. Claire, you are the most sexy woman I've ever me.' He smirked. And to him she really was which was saying a lot with his track record. Although the Nanjemup District was not that large again and had a relatively small population he had gotten around a lot. The women he had dated over the years when he was still the notorious Alex Ryan were numerous and most in skirts that barely covered anything. There had been a time when he appreciated that in a woman.

Thankfully he had matured over the years and learnt to appreciate what had been in front of him all along.

'So I'm a woman now? What happened to me being a _Claire_?' She voiced his thoughts just as he finished thinking them.

'Well, seeing you in the nuddy helped things along a bit.'

'Idiot,' but the smile that graced her features contradicted her words so he grinned in response. Her smiles were contagious and they always had been.

For a while they continued to dance in silence, if it could even be called that. They stood closely together and relished the moment.

Eventually Alex spoke up again: 'When I hold you in my arms like this' gathering her impossible closer to him he leant in and whispered. 'I want to get that dress off you. Fast.'

Finally it seemed he had managed to outwit her and rendered Claire McLeod speechless.

'Very romantic, indeed.'

'Told ya.'

In his mind Alex attempted to conjure up a magnificent scheme of how they could escape the wedding unnoticed. There were nooks and crannies a plenty at Killarney, most of which he had discovered in his youth. Some had been perfect hiding places for him as a boy when he wished to escape the wrath of Harry Ryan and others had been perfect for secret encounters with his designated girlfriend at the time.

He managed to stop himself though. They were adults, married even and his fear of Tess was too great. Resisting the temptation, he relished in the closeness of his wife instead.

'Would you still want to have your way with me when I've got fat ankles?' her tone was playful but it was easy to discern seriousness underneath. However the meaning was lost on him.

'What?'

She inhaled deeply.

'Alex, I'm pregnant.'

It took an unusual long time for the actuality of her words to sink and even longer for him to digest the meaning of them. Nervously Claire watched in anticipation, analysing every muscle contortion, every blink of an eye.

For the longest time Alex' face remained impassive but eventually reality kicked in and the initial shock wore off. It just didn't happen fast enough.

'Ow!' Claire's pained exclamation abruptly pulled him back from his own thoughts.

'Bugger. I'm sorry Claire!'

'S'alright. Just get off my foot.' Stumbling he managed to remove his foot from her bare one. Despite being related to a ballroom dancer it turned out he did have two left feet after all.

Dumbfounded and embarrassed he watched as Claire hobbled over to a nearby chair where she sat down with a sigh.

Briefly he observed her rubbing her maimed foot. His fault.

Then he spotted the empty beer and suddenly realised what she had just told him.

Internally he chastised himself for not being more observant, for not catching on sooner, but soon excitement coursed through him.

'You're really pregnant.' It wasn't a question, not really, because he could think of no reason to doubt the sincerity of her words. He spoke the words as a confirmation but Claire evidently didn't understand them that way. Whilst still massaging her foot she glared at him irritably.

The grin that split his face, however, told her all the things he was unable to utter. Although she appeared a bit apprehensive at first, a mirroring smile soon appeared on her face as well.

The laugh that escaped his lips couldn't be helped and frankly he didn't care one bit. Still laughing he pulled Claire from her seat and embraced her fiercely, allowing every ounce of joy he felt to pour into the hug.

'That's fantastic!' He exclaimed because it really, really was.

'Yeah?' she questioned him nervously.

'Absolutely.' To prove his sentiments Alex pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.

'Well that's good,' Claire clarified after they broke apart. She patted him awkwardly on the chest and then added: 'Oh and Liz is coming over for lunch tomorrow.'

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

**A/N**

**Thanks again for reading. I promise to update sooner. Please review and thank you for your continued support. **


	3. III: Shades of Mediocrity

**A/N**

**First of all I want to say thank you for your continued support. I'm immensely touched that people have taken so lovingly to this story. Thank you. **

**This chapter is quite a bid angsty compared to the past two. I'm not even the biggest fan of angst but in this case I felt like it needed to be done. **

**This chapter is set towards the end of series five just after Tess learns that Nick's plane has crashed. I tried to deal with how everyone at Drovers tackles the news differently, but focused mainly on Tess. **

**As on the show Nick and Tess leave for Argentina after a rough marital start (Sally and Harrison still caused a rift between the two) which leaves Claire by herself, once more without her sister. It isn't long however before she gives birth to her and Alex' first child, a daughter. The birth is a rather messy affair but thankfully Jodi is there to help out and they end up naming the girl Johanna, called Jo, after Jodi. **

**Another shock hits Drovers a few months later when Jodi learns that Jack McLeod might be her dad as well. **

**MOMENTARILY**

**III: SHADES OF MEDIOCRITY**

_Underneath the skin there's a human_

_Buried deep within there's a human_

_And despite everything I'm still human_

_But I think I'm dying here_

_Waking up like and animal_

_I'm all ready for healing_

_My mind's lost with nightmares streaming_

_Waking up, kicking, screaming_

_Take me out of this place I'm in _

_Break me out of this shale case I'm in. _

Daughter

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

**Five stages of grief. **

It is said there are five stages of grief one must go through: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. Thus grief has many faces. And anyone who must grieve grieves differently.

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

**Day One: Denial**

Four walls surrounded her, constantly closing in and encaging her. The pain in her chest was her constant companion and it ate away at her soul mercilessly.

Occasionally she could hear steps approaching and then halting outside the door. No one ever dared knock. Soon the disappeared again and she could breathe a sigh of relief. Being alone was the only thing she required.

Then Tess remembered that she wasn't alone, not really. She smiled as she remembered the life that was now growing inside her.

Casting all thoughts aside she went out, breathing in the fresh night air. There on the veranda sat Claire with her hand protectively closed around a bottle of beer. When she spotted her little sister she instantly rose from her seat.

Tess forestalled what she knew was coming.

'How's Alex?'

Claire looked tired. Lines had suddenly appeared around her eyes – lines that were the product of having to worry for a grieving and potentially insane sister as well as a temperamental husband.

Perhaps love wasn't worth it after all. It aged you untimely.

Tess chastised herself for even thinking so and instinctively her hand went to her still flat stomach.

'Tess…' her older sister began but trailed off before she could finish.

'I'll just see if I can get some sleep.' With a wave of her hand Tess passed her sister and quickly found her bed.

Sleep, however, she found little off and judging by the constantly creaking floorboards, neither did Claire.

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

**Day Two: Anger**

It was her mind that had imprisoned her that night as a thousand thoughts coursed through her mind. Thoughts of love, laughter and life.

What it had in store for her now she simply couldn't imagine.

Ordinarily she should have cried, it was to be expected, but tears simply would not come.

Tess turned abruptly and came face to face with the empty space in the bed beside her. Automatically her hand came out to stroke the empty pillow. A lump settled in her throat. Tess swallowed hard.

A noise suddenly broke the nightly silence of the ancient house.

'Nick?' his name escaped her lips before she could stop it. And suddenly she understood the restlessness and the emptiness she'd felt in the past few days. Nick would come. He would never leave without saying goodbye, not after everything they had been through.

The conviction settled so deeply within her and eagerly she rose because she knew he was out there somewhere, waiting for her.

Her bare feet met the cold floor but it didn't register in her already preoccupied mind. Quickly she dressed and set off in search of her husband.

The task proved to be more difficult than first expected. To begin with she meandered aimlessly about the property, meticulously scanning every millimetre for some indication, some sign of him. Occasionally the tiniest flicker of movement would arrest her wandering gaze. Always at the edge of sight and when she looked thoroughly it was gone. If ever there was anything.

Perhaps he was afraid of frightening her?

A more methodical search would improve her results. Nick had always been painstakingly systematic in his approach to life and granted he was in the afterlife as well she would meet his requirements.

He wasn't waiting for her by the windmill, a place that had been significant to them. It was where he told her how much he loved her, but that he had to leave.

Shaking off the memory she trudged on.

And on.

And on.

She searched everywhere but he was nowhere.

As the horizon exploded in an array of colours, Tess finally felt compelled to return to the homestead. There was work to be done and a life to live.

And tomorrow they would celebrate Nick's life.

It didn't take long to saddle Oscar and start the workday.

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

Eyes constantly bored into her neck, they all sent her pitiful gazes whenever they thought she wasn't looking. Of course they looked away abruptly whenever she caught them. Even Claire.

The only one who had the courage to ask was Alex. They had just mustered the sheep when he confronted her.

'Tess, you just lost your husband. You shouldn't be mustering sheep or throwing a party.'

She wanted to laugh it off and ignore him but she also recognised some element of truth in his words. Her mind however refused to believe him.

'What should I be doing? Wailing and tearing my hair out?'

But Tess refused to cry. Despite everything that had recently transpired she ought to be happy. After all she was one of the most fortunate people. She had met her soul mate, married him and now she was expecting his child.

'It would be pretty natural. It might even help.'

'For me this is natural,' she countered light heartedly.'

'Tess, I can help you get through this. I can,' slowly his voice grew thick with emotion. 'You don't have to pretend it hasn't happened. It's not fair to Nick.'

The mention of his name cut whatever remained of her self-control. She snapped.

'I'm dealing with this my way, Alex. Why don't you just try and do the same, huh?'

It was a fight to be expected but Tess feared for its consequences. Said fears were confirmed by the icy glare she noticed Claire send her husband. A storm was coming.

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

Somehow it seamed surreal that the death of a family member should fuel the first major fight between Claire and Alex (as a married couple). However the shuddering walls and raised voices became clear evidence that, this time, it was the case.

They had been going it at it for what seemed like ages now. Most of the afternoon Claire had simply given Alex the cold shoulder, ignoring him entirely. Tess, herself, had done her best to avoid both of them, as she didn't wish to get caught up in the middle of a feud.

Especially not when she had been the one to cause it.

At dinner no one had said a word. Claire had barely taken a bite when she claimed there was paperwork to do; Alex just wolfed down several portions.

Now, an hour later, everything exploded.

Tess exhaled before closing the door to the downstairs bedroom. Nick wouldn't have wanted this, she was sure of it. And neither did she.

Despite the closed door their voices still rang loud and clear through the old house.

'I was only trying to help!'

'Fat lot of good that was!'

Desperately she tried to shut out the shouting by putting on music. En ensemble of various instruments blasted through the stereo, creating a passionate melody. Briefly her heart yearned for happier time and entrapped her in memories. Here she was allowed to forget the fight happening outside her bedroom door and instead dwell on times spent with Nick in Argentina.

Alex voice pierced through, though, and interrupted her musings.

'She's acting like nothing's happened. It's not right. She just lost her husband!'

There it was again, the accusation. She mourned Nick, of course she did, but he hadn't left entirely. He hadn't said goodbye just yet. Alex words were harsh and they stung but she also knew that it was what the others were thinking.

'And you've just lost you're brother!' Claire coldly countered. Shortly afterwards steps could be heard on the staircase followed by the slamming of the front door.

'Where are you Nick? Tess asked quietly to the now eerily silent nothingness. 'We need you.'

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

**Day Three: Bargaining **

Tess jolted awake. Bolt upright she sat in bed, woken abruptly from a dream. A dream that was already fading. Desperately she tried to hold on to some of the happiness she could recall experiencing in the dream.

Outside it was still pitch black but she could sense dawn approaching. Suddenly she realised why Nick hadn't shown himself to her yet. She was not meant to go looking for her, instead it was all about calling out to him.

Only minutes later she was out by the stables, excitement and anticipation running through her. Oscar signalled he was slowly waking by swishing its tail lazily as she saddled him, still too tired to be bothered by the saddle and bridle.

'Tess? Are you okay?'

Looking up she spotted Jodi regarding her with tired eyes. The girl may have matured immensely over the years she had known her but rising this early was still hard on her. The unruly curly blond hair remained uncombed as if she had just climbed out of bed.

Which she probably had.

'Ah Jodes. I was just reminiscing.'

'Oh.' The young girl seemed to be at a loss for words and Tess understood her partly. No one really knew what to say to her. Should they offer their condolences? Pretend nothing had happened?

Pushing those thoughts aside Tess returned to the happy land of the memory she had let herself become immersed in.

'There was this one time,' she informed Jodi,' We'd only been in Argentina for a few months and I missed Drovers so much. So one day Nick woke me up and took me out on horse back to see the sunrise. It was so beautiful. Just me and him and the rising sun.' She smiled serenely at the memory.

It had been the perfect moment and although the sunrise in Argentina had been absolutely spectacular the memory was more about them, her and her husband. As the dull grey hues parted way for the creeping colours or early dawn, Tess had felt awash with happiness and peace. Perhaps beyond the extend of what she was capable of comprehending at the time. Now she longed for that feeling, the feeling of Nick holding her gently.

Of him loving her.

Perhaps the sunrise at Drovers could not compare entirely to the Argentinian but it was so close as she could get.

'It sounds wonderful,' the sadness in Jodi's voice was palpable although she tried to hide it. Tess promptly chose to ignore it.

'It was. I thought I'd catch the sunrise over Drovers. For Nick.' Loosening the reins Tess prepared to get in the saddle when an idea popped into her head. 'Want to come?'

Flustered Jodi nodded and trudged off hurriedly to fetch Tucker.

Only a short time passed before the two girls rode off in companionable silence. The darkness of night was slowly giving way to the strengthening blushes of dawn.

'You've really grown, Jodes.'

'Um, thanks I guess.' The comment was unexpected but Tess had been unable to help herself. Jodi's unhesitant acceptance to come out with her alongside her considerate treatment of her lately proved that Jodi had in fact grown up.

'Jack would be proud,' she continued even though she didn't know the man of whom she spoke. The words caused the young woman to go stiff in her seat.

'What?'

'From what I hear he adored you and he'd be proud to see you love the land, too.'

Jodi exhaled and tried to conceal the nerves the conversation had brought on.

'You know, when I first came here it was like you were Claire's little sister. You both grew up together and I was the odd one out', she mused out loud. The practical clothes she was now wearing contrasted the summer dresses she had originally worn upon her arrival at Drovers. Yes, she'd changed. But so had Jodi. From being a constantly complaining teenager she had now become a hard worker. 'Now we can be sisters.' Tess added thoughtfully.

Jodi froze in the saddle.

Thankfully Tess didn't notice.

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

It was all wrong, they were doing it all wrong. What she had pictured as a happy and cheerful celebration of Nick's life was instead a sombre gathering of silent people. Occasionally a hushed voice would break the silence and tell a story and although people heard no one really listened.

Claire had taken up residence in one corner, Alex in the other where they each clung desperately to one of their daughters. Charlotte was perched on Alex arms where she entertained herself by playing with the rim of his Akruba. Little Jo was nestled gently in her mother's arms but Claire seemed too occupied with being angry for her to really pay any attention to her youngest daughter.

Sally held onto Harrison just as dearly. Although the child's existence had originally been a thorn in Tess' side she now felt sorry for him – like her unborn child he would grow up without a father. Harry seemed desperate to keep his grandson by his side, never leaving Sally to herself.

Tess bore over with it. For Nick. But it all became too much when Jodi brought the wrong cake. If things had to be done properly she would have to do it herself.

Finding all the listings of the categorised sheep flying about the proper, however, did her in.

'Where are you Nick? I thought you were coming back!' she cried. 'I gave you everything I had? Wasn't it enough?'

Falling to her knees, a broken sob raked through her body and everything she had tried to conceal inside surfaced instantaneously. Wave after wave of complete and utter devastation crashed into her, destroying whatever resolve she had once had.

Tess felt herself crumble, fall apart.

A pair of arms gently wrapped around her, offering her just than bit of support she needed.

'He's not coming back. He's never coming back. Is he?' Tess asked weakly, finally voicing her inner fear. Stevie didn't reply with words but held onto her almost desperately and eventually the tears came unstoppably.

Tess cried for her husband, for her unborn child and for the rift between her sister and brother-in-law. But ultimately she cried because she could.

Some time later Stevie had managed to pick her up off the ground and shifted them to a nearby trough. Sitting felt good.

'Did I expect too much Stevie? Was it to much to find my soul mate and expect to keep him?'

'Of course not,' the red haired woman answered earnestly.

'Well then, why? Why was he taken from me? See, we didn't even get a year together.' Although the tears had stilled Tess' voice was still thick with emotion.

'What are you talking about? You've got a life time. With the baby,' smiling, Stevie reached out and gently placed her palm against Tess' abdomen. 'Nick didn't come because he didn't have to. He's already here.

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

**Day Four: Depression**

Sometime during the celebration Alex had slipped away, leaving Charlotte in Jodi's care.

He hadn't been seen since and although she was reluctant to admit it, Tess could see it was tearing at her sister's already frail nerves.

Claire passed like a ghost among the cattle as she guided Eagle smoothly to do her bidding. To any onlooker it would seem like any regular workday but the effects of the emotions and chaos of past few days still lingered in the air.

Tess kept to herself, enjoying being alone with her thoughts. Internally she felt empty, drenched after feeling so much lately. For a while she would be content with just existing numbly.

'Claire!' Jodi's voice called out. They all turned to see the young blonde galloping up from behind. 'Neil Thompson just called. Alex' ute has been spotted in the National Park'.

Without a word the elder McLeod turned Eagle in the desired direction and shot off, Tess followed unquestioningly, mentally cursing Alex' rashness.

Jodi, too, followed.

The black Ford was parked clumsily on the side of the road, one wheel stuck in the soft soil. Claire scanned the surroundings quickly, coming to the same conclusion as her younger sister – Alex wasn't anywhere nearby.

'We should split up. Jodi meet me back here in two hours and Tess, you head back to Drovers…'

'And leave you? Right.' Despite her _condition_ Tess knew Claire was in no fit state to be alone. When frustrated and worried Claire had a knack for irrationality albeit refusing to admit it.

Claire opened her mouth but remained wordless. Instead she nodded curtly before turning Eagle away and taking off again.

The vastness of the National Park seemed endless as it spread out before them, shifting vegetation scattered about them. Neither spoke, in stead thoughts kept them occupied.

Glancing at Claire Tess could easily make out the anxiety radiating off of her sister. Although she was in the middle of a row with Alex, Tess guessed Claire feared for him at the moment.

Over the years Claire and Alex had mutually and unconsciously shifted greatly to accommodate to each other. Now they had become almost inseparable magnets – except from times when their bloody stubbornness abruptly tore them apart.

'When I find him I'll wring his neck.'

'It's okay, you know, to be scared,' Tess consoled.

'I'm not…' but Claire was unable to finish instead she turned her focus back on scanning for any sign of life but apart from the occasional bird there was nothing.

'How could he just take off like that?'

'He's hurting,' Tess stated simply.

'I thought he'd matured. Guess I was wrong.' Claire continued as if she hadn't heard her sister's comment.

'He just lost his brother, Claire and it's not like he could talk to you about it.'

'So now it's my fault?' she turned in the saddle to face her sister.

'That's not… What I mean is that Alex loved Nick and he needed you to be there but you've been so busy worrying over me, the silly widow.' She released an exasperated moan, half laughter half sob.

'Tess.'

'No. Alex was right – I wasn't fair to Nick and you weren't fair to him.' Halting, she considered how to phrase the real purpose of their conversation. 'When we find him, and we will, just tell him you love him.'

With an exasperated sigh Claire indirectly admitted defeat. Soon they fell into a companionable silence. Her shoulder's slumped slightly, determination slowly gave way to anguish.

Slowly the black ute came back into view and for a moment it looked as desolate as ever. Then a small figure appeared, flittering about the vehicle. Tess barely had time to register this, least of all react, before Claire had spurred Eagle on and set off in direction of the car.

Oscar followed at his own comfortable pace, content not to press himself too hard in the stifling heat. Finally she was close enough to confirm that the figure had indeed been Alex.

The man turned and smiled widely at the approach of his wife and sister-in-law. Apart from a few scratches and the apparent need for a shower he looked relatively unscathed. Tess smiled in return, momentarily happy that Alex was all right.

Claire, apparently, had other plans.

Jumping off her horse she stormed towards him. For a moment Tess expected a romantic reunion and judging by Alex' facial expression so did he. Opening up his arms he welcomed his wife who, in turn, put out her hands and pushed him harshly to the ground.

Alex grunted as he hit the ground, the effect empowered by the surprise attack.

'Claire!' he exclaimed.

'You bloody idiot!

Steadily he tried to get back on his feet, brushing off the excess dirt.

'Look, Claire, I'm sorry.'

For a moment she just looked at him, appreciating the fact that he was alive after all.

Then without a word she stepped forward and enveloped the scruffy looking man in a hug. Swiftly his arms wrapped around her small frame and held her close.

Tess could do nothing but smile.

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

**Day Five: Acceptance**

Surveying the landscape that lay beneath her, Tess smiled. For the first time in days she felt content. The dusty ground spread out under the balcony, sun-kissed by the afternoon sun. Of course it still hurt to think of Nick but happy memories would always be with her.

And their child.

From now on she would fight with everything that she was to keep his name from becoming taboo. Instead of wearing that forced air of grief, sorrow and solemnity she would breathe his name freely.

'Nick,' she whispered to the air, his name spoken without effort. Merely because he was out of sight he would never be out of mind.

A faint cry caught her attention. Climbing back inside Tess quickly made her way to the nursery. Here she found her youngest niece writhing slightly in the cot, the one Jo had inherited from her older sister.

Charlotte had been reassigned to a bigger room sometime after her little sister's birth.

'Hello gorgeous,' Tess spoke sweetly as she picked Jo up. The infant stopped crying for a moment, regarding the woman with her soft brown eyes. A matte of dark hair covered her young head and in many ways she resembled her mother more than Charlotte had at this age.

Gently patting the baby's bottom, Tess sat down in the old rocking chair, hoping the motion would calm her niece. Fortunately it wasn't long before Jo fell quiet.

'She likes you.' Looking up Tess saw Claire in the doorway with her arms crossed

'Well she better. We're family after all,' Tess replied, eyes once more coming back to the infant in her arms. 'She's perfect, Claire.'

Jo looked at her intently then started wailing uncontrollably. Instinctively Claire came over, knowing full well what that wail meant.

It was fascinating to watch someone like Claire act so maternally. Before Charlotte the only creatures she had been gentle with were her horses, but now she handled her daughter expertly and it wasn't long before Jo had latched on and suckled greedily.

'And she's got her father's appetite,' Claire commented wryly.

Although Jo was her niece and Tess loved her, of course she did, the pang of envy couldn't be escaped. With Charlotte she had felt an instant connection, from the moment the now golden haired girl had been born, but with Jo it was different. At the time of her birth she had been too busy learning how to Tango in Argentina.

'I'm sorry I wasn't there when you had her. Maybe if we hadn't…'

Claire cut her off before she had a chance to finish. 'But you did. And you're here now, that's what matters. You're her aunt and she needs you.'

Somehow this conversation felt familiar.

'And Jodi was there to help. It was a bloody mess,' Claire continued, a faint smile on her lips.

'I know and that's good. What do you think Jack would make of all of this?'. Thinking of family had suddenly brought Tess' thoughts to her long gone father, a man she had barely known, yet he was the factor that tied everything together.

Strangely enough her question seemed to have put Claire off slightly. A frown had appeared on her face, her brows knitted together as if she was deep in thought.

Finally, though, she spoke: 'Tess, there's something you should know. About Dad. And Jodi,' she added thoughtfully.

Just then Jodi entered the nursery, still in her work clothes. In her hands she clutched an envelope. Nervously she took in the scene before her before finally meeting Claire's eyes.

'What?' Tess asked confused, shifting her gaze from her sister to the young blonde.

'Jodi?' Claire's voice was stern, almost demanding as she spoke her name.

Nodding reluctantly Jodi held up the envelope. A weak, hesitant smile slowly grazed her features.

'It's positive.'

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

**A/N**

**Two more to go. Thank you for reading. And of course I still appreciate your lovely reviews, really. The more the merrier and the sooner the update. **


	4. IV: My Talk, My Song

**A/N**

**This chapter I would like to dedicate to Anna, whose continuous support and reviews made me encouraged to keep sharing this story. **

**And of course thanks to the rest of you for staying with me. **

**This chapter is set towards the end of series 7 around Jodi's departure. Claire knows the truth, that Jodi and Matt's deaths were faked, which means she finds it rather difficult to grieve. **

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

**MOMENTARILY**

**IV: MY TALK, MY SONG**

_Come now, let's hide in our childhood for a while  
I've got nothing good to do, neither do you_

_It's the best shelter I could find_

_Let's wait for this to blow over, or to blow up_

_We wouldn't even mind. _

'_Cause you and me and everyone we know_

_Was once a child and now they have to grow old_

_And when they do they find they're full of regret  
And I refuse to live my life like that. _

Maïa Vidal

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

Agitated, she pulled at the clingy fabric of the black stretch dress. It was too tight, stifling, like excess skin. The humid air didn't make it anymore comfortable.

The past few days had been emotional and she now felt the deadweight of loss.

Except. The loss wasn't even real.

The masquerade she'd been an active participant of was almost too much. Too strenuous.

Reluctantly she glanced at her own silhouette in the full-length mirror. With her hair pulled back in a Gibson tuck (not her doing), the figure fit black dress and complimentary black shoes she felt mostly like a frumpy housewife. Fumbling with the hem of dress she hoped to make it more wearable and less constricting.

A heavy floral scent had taken up permanent resident in the house, slowly drifting upwards from downstairs. It clashed strangely with the mouldy, earthy smell that usually resided in the homestead.

Well, it was customary for people to send flowers for a funeral she supposed. Even was the funeral was a fake one.

She twisted in front of the mirror still not pleased with the way she looked. It just looked wrong.

'Claire?' Alex entered the bedroom, hat in hand.

'Look at this. I look like a –'

'A woman?' he finished, tone light.

'Shut it. Like someone's aunt.'

Alex sighed. 'It's a funeral Claire.'

'This is stupid'. She made up her mind not to attend then. Acting had never been her strong suit and pretending to grieve just wouldn't come naturally. How Meg had managed so far was beyond her. One person that had made it easier though was Kate's obvious despair. It pained Claire not to be able to tell the young woman the truth.

She moved to pull off the dress hastily when Alex grabbed hold of her wrist. 'You have to. For Jodi.'

Inwardly she acknowledged the truth of his words. For Jodi to be as safe as possible it the charade had to be maintained. To the world Jodi was dead and would have to remain so even if another woman got to walk free, a woman who looked exactly like Claire's sister.

'I know.'

Outside the guests had begun to arrive, all looking unnecessarily solemn and sober; all dressed in black. Old Neil had even suited up. 'Look at them all, though. Neil Thompson's wearing a suit. He hasn't worn a suit since his own wedding.'

'Just go out there, pretend to be sad.'

Claire nodded in agreement and although she still hated to admit defeat – especially to Alex – she knew he was right this time around. He smiled comfortingly, pecked her on the cheek and then went in search of their youngest daughter, Jo.

Jo was still too young to understand what was going on; too young to even question who Jodi was to her and whom she had been. Charlotte however was particularly perceptive for her age. Although she was only four Claire's oldest daughter had grown incredibly attached to her aunt, particularly in Tess' absence. Therefore the little girl was crushed by her aunt's alleged death. Seeing your daughter so sad was extremely difficult, too difficult, and the only way for Claire to ensure she didn't reveal the truth to Charlotte was for her to be away. So for the time being Charlotte was staying with Peter and Julia in Fisher. Although Alex wasn't exactly pleased with the decision he understood Claire's reasoning and supported her decision.

After casting one final look in the mirror Claire finally accepted the outfit and left the room. Unlike Meg she felt obligated to give a eulogy at the funeral. It hadn't been easy to write it and she still considered it quite shallow but there was not time to change it now.

Once downstairs she made her way to the study where she had left the piece of paper. In the past few days the room had turned into a storage room for the many condolences they had received in a constant stream since the accident.

To be honest Claire couldn't wait for the flowers to disappear and for everything to return to normal.

Normal. Defining normal seemed beyond her now. There was a time where life was simple and straightforward. Get up in the morning, struggle through the work day to ensure the continued life of Drover's Run and then go to bed at night. Just her and Jack, the way it was supposed to be and the way it had always been.

If anything extraordinary happened it was a fair or a night at the pub. Claire loved that life, missed it sometimes. Those carefree days where she didn't have to worry about anyone but herself (Jack minded himself anyway). If she ever let herself go a little and lowered her guard it would be over a cold beer at the pub, often watching Alex making a claim on his latest conquest. Most of the time it had been hilarious to watch.

Her life was a lot more complicated now. It all began, she supposed, around the time Jack died. Suddenly Claire had been forced to realise how recklessly her father had run the farm. Then Tess had shown up, then the whole mess with Peter.

After she married Alex things seemed to settle for a while but then Tess and Nick had moved to Argentina and even from beyond the grave Jack still caused trouble.

The many thoughts seemed to tire her more so than before. Deflated, Claire sat down and rested her elbows on the table.

'There you are.' Looking up she saw Stevie standing there, also dressed in black although her red hair contrasted the dark clothes immensely. 'Everyone's here. 'You okay?' Her voice was laced with concern.

Despite having seen some rough times, rougher than Claire could've ever imagined, Stevie was always incredibly strong. Sometimes Claire found it hard to understand how she still remained standing. And still she managed to support all those around her.

'I just wish my life was boring sometimes, you know. Get up, work, go to bed. No hitmen, no heartbreak. Just a boring life where nothing happens.'

Stevie smiled weakly. 'I better pack my things then, hey?'

Fearing there might be some ounce of truth behind her friend's words Claire quickly countered. 'Don't you dare'.

She had known Stevie for so many years now, they'd survived the rodeo circuit together. Sometimes it was still difficult to believe that the restless soul had chosen to settle at Drovers. Over the past few years Claire had come to depend on her friend more and more and now she considered Stevie to be one essential constant.

'I own part of the place. You're not getting ready of me that easy.'

'Good.'

They fell silent for a while.

'You sure you can do this?'

Nodding Claire got up from her seat and approached Stevie. 'Let's go.'

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

No one even made an attempt at speaking; they were too emotionally drained for that. Claire especially. Together with Stevie and Regan they were slowly making their way through the dishes that the guests had left behind. It wasn't a large amount but the progress they made was made arduously slow.

The eerie silence allowed Claire to think – thoughts she had banished for a while now but in the solemn kitchen her own thoughts echoed. Trying to push them aside she started rubbing the tea towel mindlessly against an already clean glass.

'Is everyone gone?' Kate's voice suddenly filtered through her clouded mind, claiming her attention. They all turned and gauged at the almost frantic, petite woman who had just entered the kitchen.

Meg had told her then. Claire couldn't stop a small smile from forming on her lips. The woman in question followed Kate within moments and the two women shared a knowing look. Claire just nodded approvingly.

'Kate?' Regan asked, confused.

It was the right thing to do. Seeing Kate in so much pain had been hard on everyone else these past few days, as they were grieving themselves too. That, at least, could stop now. Not that it ultimately hindered their loss, but this was one Claire could learn to live with.

It wasn't like anyone was giving her a choice anyway.

'Is everyone gone?' Kate insisted, casting glances in every direction. Even Meg seemed anxious, nervous.

'The boys from Killarney are still cleaning up.' It was Regan who spoke again, obviously bewildered by the situation.

'You sure there's nobody else?' This time it was Meg who asked, her voice peppered with concern.

'Meg! What's going on?'

In the moments that followed everything transpired so quickly it was hard to keep up. A blond girl stepped into the kitchen and set in motion things she had hardly expected. Porcelain fell to the floor, breaking into countless pieces.

Stevie gasped. 'Oh my god!' and then went forward to hug Jodi.

Returned from the dead.

Claire smiled to herself as she watched the others' reaction. She knew before of course, only family (extended to Alex), had been told. Well, Jodi had insisted, objecting to the rules of the authorities and thus Meg and Claire had been told that Jodi Fountain McLeod was in fact very much alive.

It had been quite complicated, telling Tess. Phone calls could be traced, they said. It was too dangerous, they said. But Claire would have none of it. Neither would Jodi.

So after setting up a complicated system that involved telephone booths and neighbours Claire had called her sister in Argentina and told her the truth. The car had blown up, yes but Jodi was very much not dead. Tess had been silent for a long while then laughed almost hysterically.

Afterwards she confessed to having drawn the attention of a few people but she couldn't have been less affected. The two sisters talked briefly after that before Claire had to go. They still had a funeral to plan, albeit it being a fake one.

Regan walked up to her cousin and embraced her fiercely, seemingly still not able to quite comprehend what was unfolding in front of her. Kate stood to the side, beaming. The only remnant of the grief stricken look she had worn for days now was the black dress she still wore. It looked oddly out of place.

Casting a quick glance down Claire realised she was still wearing her black frock and she looked just as much as somebody's aunt, despite what Alex might have claimed earlier. The dress had been flattering when she was pregnant with Charlotte whereas it just felt wrong now. At least it was no longer stifling, instead she felt rather liberated and to be frank she didn't care one bit about what she was wearing.

A loud woop interrupted her train of thoughts and she cast a glance up as her husband enveloped his sister-in-law in a bear hug. Jodi almost disappeared in Alex huge embrace.

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

'You take care of your mother now, hey?' Jodi gently told her youngest niece in a strained voice. The time had finally come for her to say her final goodbye to her childhood home. Claire watched her sister interact naturally with her daughter. For strange reasons the two had always had a connection, even before Jodi's paternity had been confirmed. Perhaps the fact that Jodi had been there for Jo's birth had affected the younger McLeod.

'Oh and one more very important thing. Love your sister. Always. Even if she thinks she's your boss.' When she uttered the last bit Jodi cast a sideway glance at her sister, smiling slightly. After putting Jo down on wobbly feet she moved closer to Claire until they were face to face.

'I guess it's goodbye then.' Jodi spoke.

Unable to phrase things differently Claire heard herself agreeing. 'Yeah'.

Awkwardly they embraced each other, none of them really willing to accept the fact that this was the final goodbye.

Claire watched Jodi turn and make her way towards Matt and Roger who looked very impatient. The man kept looking around, seemingly fearing the worse. His behaviour agitated Claire. This was possibly the last time she would see her baby sister, perhaps for a very long time. Maybe even for good. The thought had nagged her for days now.

If that were the case…

'Jodi!' she heard herself call out and watched the young blonde turn, curiosity palpable in her eyes. 'One more thing.'

'Yes?'

'Come home soon.'

With a teary smile the two sisters embraced again, longer this time. Saying goodbye had never really been Claire's thing, she thought it was too complicated and required too many emotions but sometimes goodbyes were necessary. Even if they weren't permanent. She refused to believe it was.

She squeezed her sister one final time before finally letting her go.

As the car drove away Jodi waved frantically but with a smile on her face that told them all it wasn't permanent – she'd be back one day.

An arm snaked around her waist and pulled her close.

'You okay?'

'Yeah.' She replied distantly as she watched the last of the dust cloud settle once more. 'I think I'll just go work on Paprika for a while.' Paprika was their most recent acquisition to their horse training business and the young horse was doing well. She moved out of Alex' arms but she hardly made it a few steps away before he caught hold of her again.

'No. No way. No work.'

'Alex,' she reprimanded him but obviously he wasn't giving in.

'Okay, that's it – you're coming with me. Walk on, march!' Pushing her in front of him he directed them in the direction of his black ute. Alex almost had to force her in and strap her to her seat like a small child. With a pout she crossed her arms in front of her, clearly annoyed at her controlling husband. Alex chuckled before getting in himself and driving off.

It wasn't long before Claire noticed the familiar route to Gungellan. The dry and baren land spread out in every direction as they sped through the familiar landscape. A few fences, some cattle and otherwise everything remained the same. Yet she still loved the land fiercely.

Her annoyance with Alex grew at first. There was plenty of work to do back at Drovers and if anything she could do with a welcome distraction, one work offered and once she'd gratefully accept. Instead he'd kidnapped her and whisked her off. And she hadn't even had the chance to change.

At least he was civil enough to let her control the radio. She didn't bother turning it on, instead she just sat back and sulked as the landscape passed by outside the window.

After a very, very long drive where neither of them spoke Alex finally pulled over.

'The pub? Seriously?' She asked, mouth agape.

'Stevie said you missed a boring life. I figured the pub's about as boring as it gets.' He looked at her intently, his eyes awash with emotion. Concern, worry and love radiated off him and enveloped her. Her lack of reply seemed to make him jump to conclusions.

'We can go back. If you want.' He suggested warily.

'Nah. Beer sounds good. I could do with a beer.' She was out of the car before he even had a chance to react to her words.

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

The small table they had occupied for a few hours now was lidded with empty glasses and bottles. A pleasant buzz clouded Claire's senses and she savoured it. It had been too long since she'd been able to enjoy the proper effect of cold beer. Well the beer served at the pub was lukewarm at best but it still tasted like little drops of heaven.

Taking another swig she regarded Alex silently. He, too, seemed to be in a beer induced hazed. His head lolled slightly to one side although he didn't look like one who was close to passing out.

She smiled fondly.

The pub was a sanctuary of sorts, no demanding issues but instead a place where people would gather and chat about everything and nothing. Usually it involved farm work though.

'Claire?'

She turned to face him. 'Hm?'

'You miss Tess right?'

Some years had passed now since Nick and Tess had ventured off to Argentina and although the two sisters talked on the phone regularly Claire missed having her sister around, yammering on and on about organic farming and the value of a proper cup of coffee. The fact that her niece was growing up across the Pacific, learning how to say _vaca _instead of _cow_ didn't make things easier.

'We're visiting next month. I talked to Nick and Tess, it's all arranged.'

'What?'

'Yeah. You, me and the girls. We're staying a month.'

Inwardly she chided herself for her reply but it came instinctively. 'What about Drovers? I can't just leave.'

'Knew you'd say that. Stevie and the girls will take care of business, it's all set.'

It took a while for the thought to settle in properly but she adapted quickly. The concept of an actual holiday seemed strangely unfamiliar but at the same time strangely needed. The furthest Claire had been from Drovers was Melbourn but those occasions were rare. When Jack was still alive there was never time nor money for holidays so Claire had never requested one. Now though she suddenly longed to go.

'Okay. Sounds good.'

'Yeah,' Alex contended. Together they continued to drink in silence, contributing additional bottles to the table and increasing the number on the tab. It was like the old days, this. Just the two of them enjoying the companionable silence. Some might consider it slightly boring (Tess for one). But to Claire it was normalcy – at its absolute best.

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

**Once again thank you for sticking with me – just one more to go. I'll post next week. **

**Homemade scones for anyone who reviews. Or beer if you so prefer. **


	5. V: Taking Pictures

**MOMENTARILY**

**A/N**

**Ah yes, here it is. The final chapter of this story. I want to thank you for your lovely reviews and continued support. Writing this story and sharing it has been a great pleasure. **

**Of course I apologise for not updating sooner but exams got in my way. I should technically be preparing for one this Friday but a break was welcome. So here's the final chapter. **

**This takes place during the series finale, which should explain the presence of all the McLeod cousins. Please enjoy. **

**V: TAKING PICTURES**

_Standing on the rooftop_

_The sun is coming up_

_And all the ones I care for_

_Are doing fine_

_I've been running 'round for years_

_Making sure things get done_

_It seems I've never stood up here _

_To watch the rising of the sun_

_Before_

Madeleine Peyroux

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

There were many ways in which to wake up. Over the years she had experienced many of them. The most despicable was the alarm that sounded more like a calving cow with a cold. Of course a rooster would crow on occasion, waking everyone and then the one she preferred by far – waking up naturally and by yourself.

Sure - she had to get up before the break of dawn as the way of life dictated here but ever since she was a young child she had managed to auto-tune her body so that she would wake up at a proper hour instinctively.

In later years, however, she would occasionally be woken by a teasing kiss from her husband. At times he could be insatiable. Not that she minded.

Nothing could have prepared her for the wake up call that particular morning, though.

A loud squeal, surely loud enough to break the sound barrier, abruptly forced her to break through the heavy layers of sleep and resurface. With the squeal still ringing in her befuddled mind she slowly managed to pry her eyes open and take in the silhouette of today's alarm clock. A young girl sat astride her, grinning wildly.

'Wake up!' she quipped cheerfully and bounced lightly. You could say many things about Charlotte McLeod but she was at least persistent. Sometimes a tad too much.

'Morning BOM,' Claire greeted her daughter in a voice still heavy with sleep. The young girl watched her with big bright eyes. Someone was clearly exited. Realisation would probably have come to her at some point but the child loudly voiced her project in an exited voice.

'Can we go riding? Dad said I could do anything I wanted on my birthday.'

Five years old already. Claire smiled as she tried to sit up in bed. Charlotte beamed up at her, still in her PJs. They had horses on them of course – she wasn't a McLeod for nothing.

'Did he now?' A very loud snore came in reply from the sleeping form next to her. When she said _sleeping_…

Suddenly an arm came out from under the covers and snaked around Charlotte. She squealed loudly in surprise, which caused Claire to burst out laughing. Her hunch had been correct then – Alex, too, had been woken by Charlotte's original outburst. A tickle match commenced then, the man instantly overpowering their daughter who giggled uncontrollable.

Claire smiled tenderly at the display of affection. Alex really doted on Charlotte, loved her fiercely. To Claire that just proved that blood wasn't all that important in the end.

'I surrender!' Charlotte squeaked in between giggles and after one final attack Alex eventually retreated. The little girl was once again able to breathe properly.

'Please mum, can we go riding? On a big horse? Please?' Her blonde hair whisked about her face as she turned to look at her mother pleadingly.

'The sun's hardly risen, sweetheart.'

'Dad?' Turning to the usual tactics, then. Whenever Claire said no to something Charlotte would turn her big brown orbs to her dad who couldn't resist her, even it he tried – which he never did.

'In a moment, eh kiddo. Why don't you see if Moira will make you some birthday pancakes?' The mention of pancakes caused Charlotte's eyes to light up and she shot off the bed. Even though it was still early, earlier than usual anyway, the sun was slowly beginning its ascend into the sky. She might as well get up and get ready for the day. It was a big one after all.

In honour of Charlotte's fifth birthday both parents had consented to throwing the girl a slightly larger party than the previous years. That of course meant extensive preparations. Thankfully the rest of the inhabitants at Drovers had heartily agreed to give a hand. Moira was cooking, Regan and Jaz were in charge of decorations and Alex aided by Marcus would deal with the barbeque. Stevie and Grace had promised to make sure the farm would stay standing during the day.

Just as she was about to climb out of bed Alex' pulled her back onto the bed. Trapped in his embrace she feared an oncoming attack but instead he remained still.

'Where do you think you're going?'

She never really had a chance to reply before the onslaught came. Morning breath clearly forgotten Alex lips claimed hers in a hungry kiss. Someone clearly didn't plan on getting up any time soon.

So they didn't.

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

It was a good while later that they emerged from the sanctuary of their bedroom. Despite being dressed and ready for the day Claire's face was slightly flushed when she entered the kitchen. The smell of freshly made pancakes instantly invaded her nostrils, Alex' too. He almost ran to the table and sat down, impatiently gazing at Moira at work at the stove.

'Well Charlotte, it looks like your parents decided to join us after all. I wonder what took them so long.'

Living under the same roof as Mystic Miranda wasn't always easy. Occasionally she was just a little too perceptive for Claire's liking.

'We were, uhm, talking about Bom's pressie. Weren't we Alex?' Alex nodded casually, clearly distracted by the pile of pancakes on Charlotte's plate. A man and his stomach. Claire sighed.

Looking up from her plate Charlotte quivered with excitement at the mention of presents.

'Can I have a little brother? I really want one.'

The request left both Claire and Alex dumbstruck; Moira on the other hand clearly found the wish highly amusing. She snickered. Even the pancakes seemed forgotten for the time being at least. Deep down Claire was well aware that the oestrogen level seemed to be increasing amongst the inhabitants of the homestead. Yet she also knew that Alex loved both their daughters, biology aside, ferociously and with everything that had transpired in the past few years thoughts of more children had been pushed aside.

Their eyes locked briefly and a silent agreement passed between them – it was a discussion to be had but within a different forum.

As if on cue Stevie entered the kitchen, all dressed and ready for another day. You could say many things about the fiery redhead but her commitment to Drovers never ceased to amaze Claire.

'Happy birthday, big girl,' she greeted Charlotte who grinned widely in return. She adored being the centre of attention, much like both of her aunts really. Both who were noticeably absent. Casting aside the thoughts before they could take hold of her Claire forced herself to smile and be happy on behalf of her daughter.

'Has the mail arrived yet?' Claire directed the question at Moira. The woman had taken over the motherly role Meg had once played in the, at the time, small household which meant she was the one who was the first to know if anything happened.

'Sorry, no. Expecting anything?'

Truth be told, yes. Every year since Charlotte's first birthday Tess had bestowed a pair of jodhpur boots to her niece but this year no parcel had arrived. She couldn't shake the feeling that something was ever so slightly off. What is was she had absolutely no idea.

Charlotte got out of her chair abruptly. 'Can we go riding now? Please?'

Unable to deny her daughter her birthday wish Claire agreed. Out of the corner of her eyes she noticed Alex eyes the remaining pancakes hungrily.

'Are you done eating?'

'Yes.' Charlotte replied instantly before remembering her manners. 'Thank you Moira!'

'Any time, darling.'

Before mother and daughter left the kitchen, Alex had almost managed to clean the plate entirely.

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

The grassy planes stretched on endlessly in front of them – and behind them, too. Eagle, now an elderly horse, trudged on contently and seemingly indifferent to the additional passenger – well, Charlotte was rather small still for her age. She was seated comfortably in front of Claire chatting away animatedly about every aspect of her young life – the party especially seemed to be on her mind but she also kept commenting on the journey they'd made to Argentina the year before.

The month the small family had spent there would always remain with Claire. Apart from finally being with her sister again it was surprisingly freeing to be away from Drovers. For the first time ever. Charlotte had been completely besotted with her cousin, Louise, and begged and pleaded with her aunt and uncle to take her home, at least just borrow her for a while.

In the end Nick and Tess had to promise the little girl that they'd see each other again very soon. Somehow, though, Claire doubted it. They were doing magnificently, Nick and Tess, and seemed content where they were. Nick was finally able to make something for himself, away from the legacy of being Harry Ryan's son and Tess was just happy to be with the love of her life and their beautiful daughter.

It stung slightly and envy crept up on her as they climbed the last hill before slowly approaching the final destination of their outing. The final resting place of the McLeod family appeared down in the valley, four headstones resting silently side by side.

Morbid as it may seem to bring a child here Claire somehow found it fitting. She wanted her daughter to know her ancestors and the legacy. Strangely enough Charlotte felt privileged when they came here which was a rarity. It was always just the two of them, mother and daughter, together for a brief while.

Each stone was clearly weathered by time as wind as rain had made their mark over the years. One of the headstones, however, looked remarkably clean and new, hardly marked by the time gone by. Jodi's. Claire's thoughts automatically wandered off in the direction of her lost little sister. What she did, where she was, who she was – tremendously important questions loomed over her, unanswered and a part of Claire feared she would never know. Tess, at least, she could talk to regularly but when it came to Jodi there was no way of knowing. It had been more than a year now since Jodi and Matt had gone into witness protection permanently. Since then she and Meg had chatted occasionally but she knew nothing either. All that was left was a blank space of the unknown.

'Are you sad?' Charlotte gazed up at her mother whose eyes had glazed over, not with tears exactly but they were certainly slightly moist.

'I'm fine, sweetheart. Want to say hi to your grandfather?' Together they got off and approached the grave. Claire watched as her daughter passed from stone to stone, patting each gently with her small hand. It was a lovely gesture. The circumstances surrounding Jodi's _death_ had only briefly been explained to the girl as she was too young to understand the truth. Would she ever know the full truth, Claire wondered.

Determined not to let her messy family problems interfere with Charlotte's big day she gathered herself and regained her composure.

'Do you think they'd give me birthday presents if they were alive?' The naivety of children was astounding sometimes.

'Absolutely,' Claire answered her daughter before gathering her in a crushing hug.

Somehow she soon managed to lift Charlotte back onto Eagle and, turning their backs on the past, Claire urged the horse back towards Drovers. There was still plenty to be done before the guests arrived, showering being one of them.

However their road should not go unhindered. Eventually the farm came back into view – first the windmill and then the rest – along with two silhouettes on horseback. Cautiously Claire approached, slightly weary of the two unfamiliar figures. Wisps of golden hair whisked around one of the riders' head. Instant recognition filtered through Claire's mind and she was off Eagle's back in mere seconds.

'Jodi!' calling out her name suddenly made things true – she surely wasn't imagining this. Meg, the other mysterious rider, dismounted as well.

The two McLeods embraced warmly, glad at being reunited after so long.

'Where's Matt? Is everything okay?' the questions tumbled out of her mouth.

'He' fine, he's safe and all the guys who were after him have been put away. Besides it was getting difficult to hide this for much longer,' Jodi gestured to her protruding belly. Difficult to conceal indeed. 'So we're gonna have a normal life. Well as normal as you can do with one of these.'

Watchful eyes regarded the exchanged cautiously. Although her young mind was having a hard time placing the woman her mother had just hugged, Charlotte felt certain she had seen her somewhere before. An elderly (in Charlotte's eyes at least) woman slowly approached Charlotte and Eagle.

'Hello Charlotte. It's good to see you again.' She knew this woman – Meg. The other woman and her mum came up behind Meg, both smiling.

'Happy birthday Bom.'

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

To call it a day full of surprises would be an understatement and it was far from over yet – however Claire didn't know that. Everything that had transpired in the past couple of hours had left her drained which was poorly timed. Especially considering the many children that were now running around Drovers; laughing, shouting and all the things children did.

She was exhausted. Thankfully she had found a corner to herself where, just for the time being, she allowed herself to sit back and just watch. Charlotte had hastily begged for her pressies from all the guests as they arrived. Fortunately she had forgotten all about her wish from that morning. At some point she had even begged to be driven to the front gate to greet them. Alex had stopped that from happening, bless him.

Jodi's return had been a shock to most, especially those who thought her to be dead but Charlotte's demanding presence quickly required everyone's attention. Now the birthday girl had run off, wearing the too large Akubra hat she had been given her parents. Still no boots, though. When she'd asked Alex if he'd heard from Nick and Tess recently he just dismissed her, claiming they were most likely busy with their Argentinian life. Still, it wasn't like Tess to forget any of her nieces' birthdays.

'Hey'. There was a time where the voice would send shivers up and down her spine but nowawdays – nothing. True enough the voice belonged to Peter. He approached her slightly cautiously, evidently afraid of invading her personal space. Claire just nodded politely.

Things with Peter and Julia were – civil now. Getting there though hadn't been easy. After he'd signed Charlotte's birth certificate Claire was certain the worst was over but then again – that was well before she got involved with Alex. For a while they hadn't heard much from Peter apart from the occasional want of an update on his daughter's ensued wellbeing. Around the time of Charlotte's first birthday – and Alex' and Claire's nuptials – Alex had expressed genuine interest in adopting Charlotte. Around the same time Peter suddenly reappeared, having relocated his entire family to Fisher.

Tough times had followed but eventually things had calmed down and now, in so many ways, Charlotte was a very fortunate girl with two loving fathers instead of the regular one. Sometimes Claire could even sense Jo's envy when Charlotte came back from a weekend with her biological father. The worst was Alex. Whenever Charlotte claimed to have had a brilliant weekend he'd spend the next few days dedicating his every waking minute to spoiling the girl.

Today, evidently, was no different.

'Thanks for coming.'

'Thanks for inviting us.'

'Of course. You're her father Peter,' he nodded solemnly. A squeal reverberated, breaking the awkward silence. It didn't take Claire long to understand why. Down the drive came Alex, wide smile intact, with a beautiful brown pony. Attached to its saddle was a big bow. Apparently a card wasn't necessary.

Leaving Peter behind Claire quickly approached her husband, conflicted emotions running wild. Alex loved Charlotte and they had discussed getting a new pony for her as Hopscotch was becoming too small but the fact that he hadn't even consulted her annoyed her. Spontaneity, it was part of the package, she knew that but sometimes it just wasn't okay for him to act so rashly. She was just about to protest when Charlotte propelled herself against Alex, mumbling 'Thank you, thank you, thank you.'

Well. She couldn't very well demand the horse be taken away again, could she?

'What's his name?'

'Banjo and he's all yours.'

'Thank you!' Charlotte exclaimed, patting the pony who whinnied in return.

'Thank your mum, too.' He glazed her way then, probably fearing her reaction. 'And now Charlotte. There's one more surprise, but you have to share with your mother.'

Charlotte looked at her mother curiously, wondering what Alex alluded. In that moment two hitherto unseen guests came into view – a very tall man and a much shorter woman.

'Are we late?' Now there was a voice she would know anywhere.

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

Night had fallen, a calm and serene kind. A soft breeze blew through the darkened landscape, carrying the sounds of a world slowing down after a long day. The guests were gone now, the children put to bed, yet the party that still remained on the veranda was of a considerable size. Every seat available was occupied and those who had been unable to find a proper seat had sat down on the steps.

As a child Claire McLeod had few aspirations. Really, there was only one thing she wanted from life – to be exactly like her father, the man she spend her entire childhood admiring unrelentingly. To be determined and independent became the ultimate goals towards which she worked assiduously. For a long time these were equivalent to a complete life and she didn't see any sense in aspiring for more. A simple life was want she wanted.

However complications arrived right on her doorstep in the shape of her estranged little sister. Said sister was now sitting next to her husband on the settee on her left. Now that had been the surprise of the century. Nick and Tess were back – for good apparently and Alex, the bugger, had known for weeks. They'd even been hiding out at Killarney for the past few days. After Claire, Alex and the children had left Argentina after their visit the previous year Tess had grown incredibly homesick. She wanted to raise her child with her family, so her daughter could have the childhood Tess hadn't had.

In the end Nick had decided to terminate the projects he was working on and planned ahead.

To say Drovers was crowded was almost an understatement. Sometimes it was difficult to imagine it had once just been the home of Claire, Jack and a few workers, well Meg and Jodi, too. Matt had eventually joined them, after the main guests had gone. Alerting more people to the fact that he was alive seemed unnecessary. But they wanted to raise their child here, too.

Claire looked around, eyes resting on her cousin, well one of them. Of all the _other _McLeods, Grace was the one Claire admired the most. She cared deeply for her cousins, all of them, but something about the woman's spirit appealed to Claire. Grace was an expert with horses, a hard worker but seemingly resilient to the hardship life had dealt her. Grace cast a glance sideways at Marcus who was seated comfortable with Ingrid leaning against him. Yes, Grace had loved and willingly let go. That strength was an admirable trait and Claire hoped beyond anything that she would find happiness eventually.

Jaz had Ben now and Regan seemed contend with her life as it was. Moira had Phil and even Stevie had found someone special; her one year-old son was proof enough of that.

And she had Alex. And Charlotte and Jo. And who knew – if Charlotte kept pestering them about a little brother – maybe one day a little brother (or sister. Girls seemed to run in the family) would join the festivities.

Alex was mindlessly rubbing circles on her back, the simplest notion of affection but it made her feel safe. Loved.

Yes, Claire McLeod once wished for a simple life, a boring one with no unnecessary complications. No ties that couldn't be severed as easily as they'd been made. But things changed on their own accord. Suddenly there were ties that bound but she didn't mind being restrained by them. Along the way there had been heartbreak, yes, but ultimately she had gained far more than she had lost.

'Claire?' Tess asked, her voice soft.

Claire turned, a smile mirroring that of her sister, and took in her face. She really did look like her mother Ruth but over the years the other parent had surfaced in her as well. Tess had become as stubborn as Jack and grown to love the land as much as him. And now she had come home.

'Welcome home,' Claire said and then she smiled at her little sister.

**oo0oo0O0oo0oo**

**Thank you for reading! I'd love to know what your thoughts are on this final piece. **

**Cheers!**


End file.
